New York City, a place I thought I’d never fucking live. Yet, thanks to life being the crazy mind fuck that it is, here I lay in lower Manhattan 3 bedroom, with a porch any smoker would die for. Lucky me, right? I worked my dick into the dirt for this. Feels good, this mini payoff. Free food, city lights, huge studio, unlimited creative access. It’s beautiful. Still, I’m really fucking wondering when I can feel a solid balance. Ya, it’s something I search for everyday. Someone that maybe reaches as far as I reach. Maybe try as much as I try. No one but my brother has ever went that far with me. I’m always asking myself if I “care to much”. Lately the idea has been put into my head that I am maybe “pushy”. That also came from the most confused soul I’ve ever encountered so, no dice. I’m sure I come off pushy to someone that floats in grey area because I am direct, I’m brash, I’m intense. I fucking get it, & I do it. I don’t pussyfoot or “wait for the green light”. If anything the green light waits for me. I’m a man that knows what he wants. Always, in all ways. I guess I can’t expect everyone to be the same. You really can’t afford to doubt yourself. Don’t act great, KNOW you’re great & then act accordingly. We all have our demons, easily cured by pills & religion. I guess I’ve just always been the dude to make friends with mine. They are under my control. Sometimes I ask em’ to come out and play when I’m bored, but they rarely wear out their welcome. Don’t kill your demons. They are there to give you character. Otherwise, you’re just a faceless nobody that’d be lucky to be acknowledged as a somebody by a nobody.I digress. What I’m really trying to say is, I’m almost over being the guy that puts himself out there. I lay myself out, man. I do. My emotions are sluts and spread their legs for everyone. I mean I really show my insides like I’m the walking fucking dead. It’s part of my job. But the con to it all is that void of not getting it back. I need to stop being a fucking Kamikaze, cause it’s sucking me dry in the worst way. Now on the count of three, all you guys need to say is “hey webb, save some for yourself.” 1…2…
From time to time we play this game with ourselves. It’s bullshit. We hesitate. We pause. We hold back. For what? Why would you ever be afraid of your instinct. Sure, we make the claim “I learn from my mistakes”. Well you also survived your mistakes. That’s the important part you have to remember. You’re still here. Your biggest mistake that you should be learning from is to never let past mistakes hold you back from something so incredibly amazing, staring you right in the face, that you totally should have kissed because you have no idea when you’ll see her again and you are absolutely infatuated with her even though she wants nothing to do with you romantically cause she’s in a weird place.
Fuck, alright. I think I let that one get away from me.
My hearts on fire & my brain is eating itself. Friends don’t kiss like we’ve kissed but I’ll suck it up and give un-bias advice on a pile of dog shit I should have fucking laid out months ago.
If you want it, pursue it. Your hearts never wrong, and if it is….atleast you did it with passion. If you feel it, Always Act On It.
“If I could rule the world, you’d be my queen”- Max Gomez
posted on 28.06.09
Here we go! Tumblr. time!
This is going to be a nightmare, so get ready.